@bencoffeehall: Living in Switzerland wouldn't be so bad. The flag is a plus.
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@Jake_Vig: [visit to zoo] See kids? All these animals have to live here in cages because they woke daddy up early one time.
@protolalia: Looking for a job on Craigslist. A guy wants to pay $150 to borrow a valid driver's license to rent a car. What could possibly go wrong?
@KimMonte10: Starbucks job interview: "What's your name?" "Alyssa" "Spell that please" "L A R I S S A" "When can you start?"
@yendys1: Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock.