@shadygeekdad: Living well isn't the best revenge. A crowbar to the head is the best revenge.
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@JesKeepSwimming: Him: "I feel-" Me: "I FEEL IT TOO. IT'S JUST LIKE PHOEBE SAID. YOU'RE MY LOBSTER." Him: "-gassy."
@DanMentos: [commercial] "This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they're selling" narrator: Narrators
@ImSoFrancis: Food just tastes better upside-down 1. upside-down cake 2. hamburgers 3. not cereal tho 4. oh no cereal is everywhere 5. why did I do this
@panmidwest: BOSS: quit listening to Vanilla Ice, participate in the meeting, and pay attention ME: so… stop, collaborate, and listen? BOSS: you're fired