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@kimtopher22: Getting my hair done Monday. Good news for the kids who scream "WITCH" as they pass by my house, bad news for the birds that live in it.
@Fred_Delicious: "Dad can we get a puppy?" "No but we can get a submarine if you like?" [2 hours later 3000m beneath the pacific] "dad I should be at school"
@catstronomical: Him: don't say anything embarrassing Me [realizing there are no mozzarella sticks at this party]: I will punch a pregnant woman in the baby