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@Holy_Mowgli: INVENTOR: behold the umbrella! it protects only your head & chest from rain CEO: wow I: so fragile it cannot withstand any wind C: i love it
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep." -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow
@thagr8short1: Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?