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@davidkenny100: Work meeting Boss: it's come to my attention that someone has been eating out of the trash! Everyone, including his pet raccoon looks at me
@MickSnark: Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
@Proxic0n: [Date] Me: So what goes in the bowl first, milk or cereal? Her: Trick question, I eat pizza for breakfast. *We just start making out*