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@ArfMeasures: [Creation] ANGEL: Ok, bats are done. We just need to decide how they sleep GOD: [on his phone] Hang on ANGEL: [writing] Bit weird but ok
@kelkulus: Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker.
@LeiaMarieG: My kid's insults to each other: "you have fat lips like Momma." "well, you have a big butt like Momma. Thanks, kids.
@TheTimeIGotHigh: "I was so high one time, I stopped at a stop sign for 20 minutes waiting for it to turn green."