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@AndRyanTF: I just took such a long hot shower that when I finished, Captain Planet was standing in my bathroom with arms crossed shaking his head at me
@thepunningman: Dr: your father is real sick Woman: [sobbing] how long? [her dad wheelies past on a bmx] Dr: almost six yards that time
@LostFelicia: My new sunglasses blend perfectly with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head.
@AndyRichter: Fun to hear newscasters, while their chopper hovers over an active crime scene, scold people "the last thing the police need is spectators"