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@ShesARealGenius: [FIRST DATE] Me, opening mouth seductively: "And this is where I burned my tongue on pizza, and this is where I burned my tongue on fries, a
@FrogAvalanche: "How's the wine?" "House red?" "Yes." *sips, swills, spits* "Wow it's got too much body." "Sorry, I should have evicted the tenants first."
@tastefactory: LOVED ONES: When I die, I want you to throw a sad party where you all look at my dead body US, FOR SOME REASON: Ok that's no problem