@Shock_Monster: How To Get Rich: 1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson. 2. Empty it the next day. 3. Become a millionaire.

@HireMeImFunny: Rededicate Christopher Columbus statues to the Chris Columbus who directed Mrs. Doubtfire

@Book_Krazy: Mike said he's breaking up w/ u cause you're not very smart & u have issues Me: OMG I DO NOT HAVE HIS SHOES WE DONT EVEN WEAR THE SAME SIZE

@davidkenny100: Have you never heard of the boy that cried wolf??? The girl that coughed bees? The boy that sneezed sharks? The girl that shit spiders?

@Meh_Tweetz: bought 30 treadmills & placed them around the perimeter of house, when zombies attack my house they will just keep walking for days