YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@samalmightysam: I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better.
@CroweJam: I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
@atDevin: What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven? If you guessed "Heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you're wrong. The answer was "Nun of the Above".
@SardonicTart: Someone at work just yelled "go team" so I reported her for creating a hostile work environment.