@michaelianblack: If we all just agree that we're fine, we'll never again have to ask each other how we are.
@truegritrumble: (Teaching Kid to Ride a Bike)
KID:Dad, I'm scared
ME:It's okay. The closest tree is a mile away
TREE:*rushes up to kid and clotheslines him*
@LindaInDisguise: 13YO: Why's he happy? He got dog-piled.
Me: He made a lot of groundage before getting put down.
Husband: Yardage. Tackled. PLEASE LEAVE.
@Jandalize: I lose bobby pins in my hair. Please don't ask me to babysit your kids.
@hogrider05: Was having a bad day so I tried the whole pulling up big girl panties thing.
She didn't appreciate the wedgie but I did feel better after.
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