@michaelianblack: If we all just agree that we're fine, we'll never again have to ask each other how we are.

@truegritrumble: (Teaching Kid to Ride a Bike) KID:Dad, I'm scared ME:It's okay. The closest tree is a mile away TREE:*rushes up to kid and clotheslines him*

@LindaInDisguise: 13YO: Why's he happy? He got dog-piled. Me: He made a lot of groundage before getting put down. Husband: Yardage. Tackled. PLEASE LEAVE.

@Jandalize: I lose bobby pins in my hair. Please don't ask me to babysit your kids.

@hogrider05: Was having a bad day so I tried the whole pulling up big girl panties thing. She didn't appreciate the wedgie but I did feel better after.