@UrplePingo: LOL there's like 20 guys w/ "Female Body Inspector" windbreakers that's hilarious they're seizing my hard drive & business records LMAO

@WilliamRodgers: This kid at the Bar just told me Nickelback is a better band than Metallica.... Long story short....Send bail money...

@JB1971_: Everyone at my funeral gets a baseball bat, the last one standing gets all my stuff.

@Fickle_Filly: Me: I'm going shopping. Him: If you buy more than one pair of shoes I'm divorcing you. Me: Deal!

@LoriLuvsShoes: A CW told me for the 50th time that her baby learned how to walk so I told her"if you really wanna impress me lmk when it learns how to fly"