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@moiragallaga: First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!
@girl_a_whirl: [Interview] "Tell me your weaknesses" Me: Well, I.. *wife busts in* He's a mouth breather, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to take out th
@ceejoyner: Here's a promise - if a scuba shop is within sprinting distance of the ocean and they let me try stuff on I'm not paying for a damn thing.
@SortaBad: Executive: What should we name the mutant with neato magnetic powers? Me: [clearly joking] How about Mag-Neato? Exec: damn that's so good