@DanMentos: [nabisco hq] "Wheat Thins sales are down we need ideas" *raises hand* "anyone else?" … … "ok Dan, but I swear to god if u say-" Wheat Thicks

@IGotsSmarts: "Stop pointing at my daughter!" - Kanye West yells at a compass.

@ch000ch: accidentally called out my dentist's name during my colonoscopy

@NotARatsAss: "Do you need a ride?" Me, to every jogger I pass in my car

@daemonic3: "Hi, how much for a slice of pizza?" A slice is $2.50, and second slice only $1. "I'd like 3 second slices please"