@NikiWithIssues: A cool fun way to stop his snoring so you can finally get some sleep is to separate the head from the body.
@GrantTanaka: *sees burglar
*throws flashlight at him
*misses
*throws another
*misses
*throws another
*misses
*throws another
Burglar: WTF
Me: COSTCO
@ElKnuckelhombre: A lady was spanking her kid for being a total brat in the grocery store so I had to step in and ask her if she needed me to hold her purse.
@Rich_McCarthy: Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
@HatfieldAnne: When you offer me cookies, act surprised when I take one. Declare loudly you’ve never seen me eat dessert before.
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