@b0dymassage: "HELP!" Joe pants. "WHAT IS IT JOE?" I belt. "I THINK SOMEBODY SWITCHED OUR ARTICULATORY VERBS WITH CLOTHING WORDS." He cardigans.

@JermHimselfish: I wasn't entirely comfortable slaughtering that goat under the light of a full moon but grandma's gravy recipe was very specific.

@Tommytoughstuff: [the cops release the cadaver sniffing dogs into my living room for the third time this week] ME: *pauses netflix* I told you I'm not dead!

@VerbsRProudest: mmmm This chocolate speaks my language. Or it would, if it weren't being eaten. So. I guess it's probably horrified-screaming my language.

@ColoradoCrow: My ex is fat!!! Yay...I win!!!