@katvonwitt: Local news station is airing a segment on free rent in exchange for sex. Look, you don't have to tell me how a marriage works.
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@david8hughes: Wife: morning Me: good morning Wife: my parents are coming over for dinner tonight Me [pouring bleach in my coffee]: uh huh that's great
@shariv67: "I'd make an awesome president. Give me a problem, any problem." "Um, population control?" "Kill all the storks. BOOM!"
@thetits: GOD: there, my first animal :) SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move? G:like this*shimmies* S: G:just kinda*shimmies* S:dude
@concretesledge_: The tag on this hot tub reads "6 man" when I clearly ordered a 1 man 5 woman hot tub. This one is going back!