@katvonwitt: Local news station is airing a segment on free rent in exchange for sex. Look, you don't have to tell me how a marriage works.
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@TinaMav: I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mother's room. I can't believe it... she's a superhero!
@DistractedMomma: Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am.
@yonewt: It seems Bichon Frisé is a dog breed and not, as indicated in the recipe, a fancy salad green. We regret any confusion this may have caused.
@WeissBrandon: My wife says that we should keep the chocolate milk in the back of the fridge so it stays colder, but personally I just think she's racist