@apparentlysmart: Lois Lane was fired from the Daily Planet after she knocked Clark Kent's glasses off and then panicked thinking a plane was in the building.
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@TheMichaelRock: Helping my 5yo with his homework. Does anyone remember how to write the alphabet? Like with a pencil?
@vivalamoi448: 4 yo: Mommy, it feels so good. Me: What does? 4 yo: To be a gangster. Me: ... Go tell your father I said to come here.
@jwoodham: Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.
@DepecheALAmode: I want my funeral to be sad and completely serious. Then right when my coffin starts lowering into the ground the song from Tetris plays.