@KenJennings: LOL at people who "love seafood" but won't even eat a silverfish
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@dance_blessed: I got this "breathe" tattoo because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder.
@SteveKoehler22: A young musician left his priceless Stradivarius violin on a train in Germany. But it was returned... no strings attached. Wait...what ?
@DurtMcHurtt: Sorry I changed your ringtone to Salt-N-Pepa's "push it" and called you a bunch of times during your colonoscopy.