@AGreaterMonster: LOL at the neighbor kids who didn't realize I keep my piranhas in the hot tub.
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@whatmaddness: *sees 54-year old on American Ninja Warrior* Through a mouthful of ice cream, "I've got plenty of time."
@iwearaonesie: Cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 The look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless
@pork_steaks: "Was this car tested on animals?" "sir animals can't drive" "will this car enable animals to drive?" "No" "SO YOU DID TEST IT!" "god damnit"
@thenatewolf: *Shoves a guy* I think you mean the SECOND biggest "The Sound of Music" fan on earth, bro.