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@bourgeoisalien: can't believe how far my ex is going to make me jealous. moving away, not talking to me for 10 years, getting married. nice try, idiot. it's so obvious
@PinkCamoTO: Interviewer: So why did you leave your last job? Me: Someone found out my birthday and decorated my cubicle with balloons.
@SassyChantelle: Everybody always says say "No!" to drugs, but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late