@xstonerhumor: lol this is me all the time....."but can I bring weed?"
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@roostermustache: Me: yeah was bingo the name of the dog or the farmer Professor: i meant questions about the exa- holy shit
@zachreinert03: In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties
@Sickayduh: "Happy birthday! " - Oh wow! A necklace! I love- wait... Did you get me a fake diamond? "Well, it's not really your 29th birthday either"
@MUMSIEesq: Pro Tip: Do not let your kids push that red button in the elevator. The fire department will NOT think its adorable.