@1CleverGirl1: 3 days ago I ate my daughters's m&m's while she was napping. When she woke I told her the cat ate 'em She's still mad at the cat. Dumb kid.

@botandy: google logo keeps changing its appearance because it killed a man in Tampa in 1999 and has to stay ahead of the law

@TinaMav: We are the people our parents warned us about.

@KenJennings: Ok America now is our chance to catch up on productivity, health care, math & science while the rest of the world is drunk & watching soccer

@GlennyRodge: A horse walks into a bar. The batman asks "why the long..." "wait a minute, did you see that typo?" interrupts the horse.