@robyn_vo: Remember being a kid and writing "FiretrUCK" everywhere, thinking your parents wouldn't get it? My dad just figured it out and spanked me :(

@samuelhlowe: Chasing a Pringles can down a slope is the closest I've ever been to hunting my own food.

@Darlainky: Me: Want to see me do The Robot? Friend: Sure. Me: Friend: Why aren't you moving? Me: Updating software.

@jlock17: I FEEL SO ALIVE MCDONALD'S IS GIVING AWAY FREE COFFEE I PASSED 20 MCDONALD'S TODAY DO THE MATH TOO LATE I DID THE MATH SLEEP IS FOR MORTALS

@BMCarbaugh: At my funeral, I want the organist to start playing "Pop Goes the Weasel" really slowly, until everyone is staring at the coffin in dread