@xLiserx: Lonely nights, we've all been here. Pretending to choke so someone hugs you. Pretending a jellyfish stung you so someone pees on you. Usual.
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@ImFordTough: Pretty awesome how you can buy chocolates on February 13th and everyone assumes you have a girlfriend & not a grudge w/ your neighbor's dog.
@LostAtCollege: Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: “sure” -sent from my iPhone
@OutOfLeftField_: I told someone my name and they said, "That's unusual. You don't hear that every day." Actually, I do.
@brianbowman73: Last week I ran out of toilet paper and only had a dollar so I bought a pack of gum at CVS. I haven't run out of receipt yet.