@xLiserx: Lonely nights, we've all been here. Pretending to choke so someone hugs you. Pretending a jellyfish stung you so someone pees on you. Usual.
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@MoistPork: Just got invited to an "alcohol-free" wedding. The happy couple will be sad when they realize it's going to be a "present-free" wedding too.
@Bacon_Ball: Twitter was down for a couple of hours but I didn't panic at all. I dialed 911 and calmly told them "people are about to die". Then Hung up.