@weinerdog4life: Long story short, hitler beat me up and has my time machine.
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@dave_cactus: ME: Well, time to make like a tree, and leaf. HER: *giggling* So, my place or... ME: *starts sprouting leaves from my fingers* HER: WHAT THE
@SequelsWeWant: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 7 They go after the guy who has killed 1000s of turtles The Ninja Turtles corner him Mario jumps on them all
@notacroc: WIFE: don't be weird at the party tonight ME: am i ever weird? [dinner party] CHERYL: how's the soup taste? ME: like the blood of my enemies
@realslimswamy: Arm wrestling is for guys who like to hold hands with other guys while staring into their eyes.