@bazecraze: "Long story short" makes your story three words longer.
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@bridger_w: I wonder how smart I'd be if my brain were as good at remembering anything as it is at remembering every humiliating thing I've ever done
@onion_an: Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't
@simoncholland: The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.