@bazecraze: "Long story short" makes your story three words longer.
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@timdonakowski: Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
@emmaberen: with absolutely zero exaggeration I think I can say that this is the funniest thing I have ever seen
@thatdutchperson: Clerk: Why do you need 200 condoms? Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals