@bazecraze: "Long story short" makes your story three words longer.
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@briancthayer: [exchanging vows] HIM: I'll love you forever. HER: I'll love you until you leave me a voicemail. HIM: Wait, what?! PRIEST: No, that's fair.
@Kyle_Lippert: [A bengals fan watching Titanic] I can't wait until the end when Jack and Rose get married
@Storminika: Can't afford Sea World, so I took my kid to a fish market. Me: 'Shhh, they're asleep' 'Mom, they're breaded' Me: 'That's their blankie'