@timdonakowski: Long underwear is the fur that God forgot to give us.
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@UncleDuke1969: Parent/Child conversation tweets are always so cute & sweet! Thought I'd try one: 18: Can I borrow the car? Me: No Wasn't that adorable?!
@Mr_Kapowski: My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there's lunch brought in by reps
@WritePlay: *dog barks at absolutely everything, every time* Me: SHUT UP *dog barks at burglar, one time* Me: It's like he just knew there was danger
@JaneBadall: In retrospect, the kidnapping was going according to plan until I blew my nose on the rag I'd soaked with chloroform.