@timdonakowski: Long underwear is the fur that God forgot to give us.
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@shkeeber: I can't diet because it would devastate the local fast food economy, and frankly, I just don't think I could live with that kind of guilt.
@That_Damn_Duck: Some of you should not be allowed to procreate and if you have to google what procreate means, then I’m talking about you in particular.
@Cheeseboy22: The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there's still a box of the same thing already open.
@causticbob: It's my mate's birthday today. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or cheat on his missus. We've got no idea how to celebrate it.