@TheMichaelRock: Look, all I'm saying is that the dinosaurs didn't drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
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@Ivsy01: Put all your neighbors names on your Halloween tombstones in your front yard and wink when you're outside and they walk by.
@DosieDoe: *Do not consume if seal is broken* I’ve just gone through this whole box of animal crackers and haven’t found one seal.
@OneTrickTofani: [At Wedding] Priest: And do you take me as your lawfully wedded wife? Me: I do. WAIT A SECOND Priest: TOO LATE. YOU'RE MINE NOW, IDIOT.
@jordan_stratton: Doctor: "We got your test results back. I'm so sorry--it's Curiosity." Cat: "Oh my god..."