@SteveSackington: Look, all I'm saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
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@Cheese_Pile: [First day of class at law school] *raises hand* Hi, yes. When do we get our white, curly wigs?
@shutupmikeginn: I have sloth-like reflexes "Don't you mean catlike reflexes?" [several hours later] No
@RayfromCincy: Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and Adam Levine walk into a bar.. ..and it burns to the ground and it's finally safe to turn the radio back on.
@JT_IV_: If you are cornered by raccoons in the wild then place your thumb and index finger tips together- make a bandit mask. They will accept you.