@tastefactory: Look at this fly rubbing his hands together, what is he up to?
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@GypsyWingss: Mom: a little birdie told me you got drunk last night Me: you're the one friggen talking to birds
@Ristolable: According to Facebook a bunch of handsome dudes got together and decided to marry all my ex-girlfriends
@EtobicokeErnie: The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance of not going to work tomorrow. Tequila gives you a 1 in 3 chance.
@HumanPog: If I'm ever dangling off a cliff and your hands are full of mikes hard lemonades you better give me one so i can be refreshed on my way down