@tastefactory: Look at this fly rubbing his hands together, what is he up to?
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@ericsshadow: [traffic stop] COP: where ya headed? ME: on my way home COP: *shining flashlight in my backseat* ME: look at me when I'm speaking to you
@Vodkantots: It's all fun and games until someone from real life recognizes you and you realize you're too small to drag off the body.
@platinum2000: How do you tell someone that they're not smart enough to manipulate you, without hurting their feelings?
@FirstDateStory: "Went to watch a movie, I was wearing shorts and he swiped his finger on my leg. Later found out he wiped his booger on me"