@tastefactory: Look at this fly rubbing his hands together, what is he up to?
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@geowizzacist: *Takes our kid away so my wife can have a break* *Takes kid to pub* *Bumps into wife at pub*
@Jamie1947: A video montage of all the times my foot, still wet from the shower, has clung to my underwear as I pull them on, and I've lost my balance.
@MatCro: [bar] CUSTOMER: Barman BARMAN: Sir? C: This beer tastes like piss [further down the bar] BEAR GRYLLS: I'll have what he's having
@trojansauce: [fleeing the bank we just robbed] accomplice: play it cool this time, okay? me: GOD I HATE CRIME YOU GUYS police officer: alright he's clear