@carlyken: Look Disney all I'm saying is that if my stepdaughter brought a bunch of birds and mice into my mansion I'd make her clean up that shit too.
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@steveolivas: If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?
@Dutch_50: Instructions in the Men's Room for hand washing. Because non-hand washers can't be bothered unless there's an opportunity to learn stuff.
@Tmoney68: "Congratulations on the baby! Childbirth is so beautiful!" - Someone who has clearly never witnessed the birth of a child.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Can I pet your dog?" "Sure, but he can be aggressive." [He pushes a pamphlet about the dangers of gluten towards me with his nose]