@DBMaxP: Look... don't end your presentation with "Are there any questions?" & then get all pissy when I ask if you can ride a unicycle.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Have you ever considered letting your wife sleep with a marriage counselor? - me as a marriage counselor
@jake_lach: Apparently, if she's refused to speak to you for two days your text should not be 'Why are you mad again?'
@TitansHomer: Operator: 911 Me: My wife is going into labor, what do I do? O: Relax sir, is this her first born? Me: No, this is her husband.