@Lazer_Cat_: Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so. Now help me load this drum kit.
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@BlakWidowBarbee: My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard.
@Chloestylo: When someone sneezes, I whisper, "Goes in tight.." It's actually German for "Bless you", but it sounds so naughty.
@badbanana: Fun game: Order food to be delivered to your mobile home and then lead the delivery driver on a high-speed chase through town.
@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *throws banana and waits for it to return, boomerang style* that's the last time I ever believe anything I read on Yahoo Answers...