@wickedsuga: Look, if all you have is candy corn in this van, I'm going to have to get out.
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@ShesARealGenius: Lol how "take you out" could mean either we're going on a date or I'm gonna kill you.
@Brianhopecomedy: Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
@ARealTinderella: You know, you don't realise what you've got until you don't have it. I just ran out of toilet paper ...
@NolaChef504: "You take pills because you're crazy" "No MOM, I take pills because they make me tolerant of crazy people that don't take pills"