@wickedsuga: Look, if all you have is candy corn in this van, I'm going to have to get out.
@richyrichric: I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
@mc_funbags: People keep telling me I behave like a man so I'm currently working up the courage to tell my husband he's gay.
@hippieswordfish: ME: *falls down the stairs* help buddy im hurt bad call 911
ROBE-BOT: another robe sir?
@forbidd13909361: I don't see enough dead people.
@trevso_electric: Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.