@SwanieChicken: "LOOK, MA!!!!! NO DIGNITY!!!!"
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: What are my choices again? Pollster: Donald Trump… Me: Or? Pollster: Puppymonkeybaby. Me: … Pollster: Well? Me: I’m thinking.
@SuperTeeWhy: [Me, getting hauled out of a bank vault with 1,000 chameleons stapled around my body] "Damn"
@rickygervais: Thinking that you're on speaking terms with God is like finding out you've been playing both parts in an episode of "Catfish"