@SwanieChicken: "LOOK, MA!!!!! NO DIGNITY!!!!"
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@juliussharpe: When I die, I'm not donating my body to science, but I might donate it to the English department and freak the shit out of some people.
@RocketRankoon: A little bit of rain and everyone forgets how to drive. Saw one guy try to start his car with a pancake.
@AndyAsAdjective: [1st date] WAITER: and how would you like your steak, miss? HER: definitely not wooden *winks across table* DRACULA: *just glares at her*
@StellaGMaddox: My daughter wrote, "I will see you every day of our lives," on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now.