@thomas_violence: look, men and women are BIOLOGICALLY different. ever since the cave man times boys have loved cars and girls have loved toy ovens
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [doctor's office] ME: I'm here for my test results [the vulture perched above his desk shuffles impatiently] DR: I have some bad news...
@UncleDuke1969: Date: So… Tinder, huh? Me: Yup. Date: … Me: This is kind of awkward. Date: Maybe we should’ve used real pictures. Me: You think so, MOM?
@futurecreaturre: if i die on a hill it's gonna be the bottom of that hill. i'm not climbing up a hill to die