@MattMcElaney: Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it's not gonna help us find my iguana any faster.
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@MollySneed: I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
@Reverend_Scott: [job interview] What's ur greatest strength? "I wear too much cologne" No, I mean- "A lady legit passed out when I got in the elevator"