@MattMcElaney: Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it's not gonna help us find my iguana any faster.
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@slimmy_shady: In Korean restaurant w/my son & Korean waitress says to him"Hi, how are you"? "Sorry I don't speak Chinese" Great. I've raised a douche!
@Carter_TCB: I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would've been a lot more interesting.
@garrettbarry70: Dad, was I a cocky teenager? Only when you watched Baywatch in your pyjam.... DAAAD!