@krishna_van: "Look on the bright side - at least there's more for us to drink with him gone" is, apparently, not something one should say at a wake.
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@StinkyGr33n: Joke I told my one-eyed coworker today: Me: What do you call a terrorist who's missing an eye? Him: I give up Me: A terrorst
@WritePlay: *Santa's Google search* cheap labor cheap labor not kids magic cheap labor elf for sale bulk labor laws by country north pole group travel
@TheBoydP: TV Anchor: I don't have my Halloween costume yet but it's going to be cool and wet! Me: Wow you go girl! TVA: turning to weather... M: Oh...
@wendchymes: Fight club but just dueling neighbor's aggressively leaf blowing leaves onto each other's lawns.