@krishna_van: "Look on the bright side - at least there's more for us to drink with him gone" is, apparently, not something one should say at a wake.
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@Sirrruh: One day my kids will find a "We're Closed" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda.
@Deurb1: She sent me a text saying she wearing something special for me... but every time I ask her what, she says ~ Nothing.
@KyleMcDowell86: "Congrats Lobster Boy, u got the job" [Lobster Boy goes in for the handshake but cuts his employer's hand clean off]
@KevinFarzad: I love how women always smell good, and can complete you, and are sometimes wrapped in tinfoil. Wait, that's a burrito. I love burritos.