@kumailn: "Look slightly worried." - picture advice from The Singer/Songwriter's Handbook
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@Mr_Kapowski: 8: I'm scared of monsters under my bed Me: You should really be scared of spiders that will lay eggs in your ear 8: MOM! Wife: ZACK!
@joshgondelman: "At least you're going to get a lot of material out of this," is comedian-speak for, "Sorry about your life, dude."
@YikYakApp: "Someone offered me grapes, but I declined . I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form." — University of Chicago
@vladchoc: Stephanie, I am out to lunch. If the Sims I trapped in this bedroom finally fall in love page me IMMEDIATELY. Yes, I know they look like us.