@murrman5: Look, you invented bread and I invented knives. Let's combine forces and we could be the best thing since...well we'll think of that later.
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@Phook75: Forgot to buy a gift for a friends Wedding. Luckily someone died at an intersection nearby so I scored a cool wooden cross and a teddy bear
@birbigs: At jury duty they said, "You do not have to be fluent in English." So what you're supposed to do is just guess if the guy is innocent.
@RyanAndrewMitch: Never go to a place that has burgers, sushi, chicken wings and donuts on one menu. Never.
@Donna_McCoy: Sorry I declined your Facebook friend request, but I can't have those sideburns popping up in my news feed unannounced.