@elle91: Looking at you, Jesus.
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@JoParkerBear: MOM: How are you doing? ME: (drinking what may be 2-day old coffee) Amazing! MOM: Really?! ME: (stepping over dead body in kitchen) SO good!
@Ideal_Victoria: Guys love it when you rest your head on their shoulder at the movie theatre. Their girlfriends however... not so much.
@ChipKellysBalls: Next time you decide to complain about your problems, just remember, some guy out there has Snooki as his mom ...
@OurMarketingGuy: Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?