@EricaLynnz: Looking for a friend with benefits. Preferably dental.
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@Reverend_Scott: Superman's Google searches: "Strongest hero" "Strongest hero. Not Hulk" "Fastest hero" "Fastest hero. Not Flash" "Phone booth for sale"
@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well.
@oxygenplug: *you see a bear approaching* "quick play dead!" *bear runs up to you* "OH GOD. WHO DID THIS TO YOU. ANSWER ME. WHO DID THIS TO YOUUUU"