@FeelsLike2sday: Looking for a nice, wholesome girl I can bring home to mom. She only dates nice, wholesome girls
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@Moronyc: I'm tired of writing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all me e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone
@generaldietz: Me: I save a bunch of time by not having to tie my shoes. Her: What do you do with the time saved? Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what?
@craydrienne: My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter.