@FeelsLike2sday: Looking for a nice, wholesome girl I can bring home to mom. She only dates nice, wholesome girls
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@ayyyyloser: Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran
@Grind_n_Roll: I don't like dictatorships. All dictators should be shot, and if anybody disagrees with me, they should be shot as well.
@Izianikapani: So if you eat what you like and don't exercise, eventually you get a motorised scooter. I'm really not seeing the down side here.
@XGroverX: "I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby." Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned "Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."