@pauvrelapinou: Looking for someone willing to kill a man who has wronged me. Unfortunately I can't pay but would be good exposure for an emerging murderer
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@Bagyants: Her: How do you get girls? Me: I'm smart and funny. Her: That works? Me: No I'm terribly alone, I was just saying.
@WilliamAder: Auto-correct turned "likeable" into "lickable" and the new intern is confused by her evaluation.
@OwensDamien: My wife says I remind her of James Bond. I'm bad at following orders, I'm emotionally dead, and she'd like to see the role go to Idris Elba.