@pauvrelapinou: Looking for someone willing to kill a man who has wronged me. Unfortunately I can't pay but would be good exposure for an emerging murderer
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@BoogTweets: Judas: *Sips wine* Great, water again, very funny Jesus:HAHA I got you! Judas: So glad this is our last supper Jesus: what? Judas: what?
@FatherWithTwins: My mother-in-law came over and made me dinner, and now I'm wondering if I should have married her instead.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Wife just instructed me on the best way to trim my beard. So now I'm explaining to her the proper way to change a tampon.