@i_theindian: Looking up at his wife, he asked, "Honey, Do I have trouble making up my own mind?"
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@_Kim_Jongun: Someone in South Korea accused North Korea of having assassination squads. That's a lie. On an unrelated note, I need that guy's address.
@T_Bonezzz_: When I'm at a restaurant and see 'secret sauce' on the menu, I immediately tell the people at the table next to me
@SortaBad: I've been informed by TSA that my man-bun is not allowed on the plane. They fear a riot from horny women clamoring to sit next to me
@One_FineMess: Just did a spot on imitation of a new born calf while trying to gracefully exit a hammock.