@Tommytoughstuff: *Looks around nervously* The steam from my pasta is ungluing my chest hair toupee and the other mafia bosses are taking notice.
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@FriedGoat: "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?" Well, Katy, I'm thin, weak, white, and I hurt the environment so I guess that's a pretty apt simile
@ImKevinito: Wifey is pregnant again. She wants a girl but I want a black guy so I have someone to play basketball with.
@SortaBad: No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
@CulturedRuffian: I bet we'd have to say 'The steaks are pretty high' if a herd of cows ever got into a field of marijuana.