@Tommytoughstuff: *Looks around nervously* The steam from my pasta is ungluing my chest hair toupee and the other mafia bosses are taking notice.
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@wesjohnson8: "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
@MBittersweet25: You tell me to get off my high horse? Why dont you tell the damn horse to stop getting high all the time.. His drug problem isn't my problem
@Tommytoughstuff: [Date] "I'm going to use the restroom *leans over table* and I counted my onion rings, there's six."