@ArfMeasures: *looks at chess board for a long time before finally looking up* I thought you said cheese board
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@jessokfine: Every time I talk about milk, I clarify "not breastmilk." It's unnecessary and it makes people uncomfortable.
@SardonicTart: [First date] Him: I love murder mysteries. Me: *trying to impress him* I have been a suspect in four murder cases.
@farleftcoast: The recent fake excitement of soccer in the U.S. confirms my belief that Americans will pretend to like anything they can scream USA about.
@CoatCzech: Me: Table for four, please. And can we get some crayons? Her: Will there be children dining today? Me: No. The crayons are for me.