@AnkCoupleTO: Looks like the concierge is hitting on my wife again but who cares, this cherry danish I'm eating right now is on point nom nom nom!
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@AsgardianRose: Perks of being an adult: I can eat 8 cookies, no one can stop me. Cons of being an adult: I ate 8 cookies, no one stopped me, I feel awful.
@mommy_cusses: Motherhood is when your child looks like a sparkling cherub and you look like a steaming pile of nope.
@SuperTeeWhy: [A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk] "Son, when-" *Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for 35 minutes* "Know what, we're good"
@krishna_van: If you were forced at gunpoint to either watch '50 Shades Of Grey' or read the book, what type of gun would you prefer to be shot dead with?