@TheTweetOfGod: "Lord, can I have a pony?" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it.
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@bridger_w: Is one of the steps in the P90X workout to tell everyone on Facebook that you're doing it?
@Black__Elvis: I once had a brush with Death and then a floss and a rinse; no woman wants to get intimate with a dark annihilator of souls with bad teeth.
@AmishPornStar1: Do you like long lines, mass transit and sweaty white people? Ask your doctor if a Disney trip is right for you.
@_GrahamPatrick: GUY #1: You free next week? GUY #2: Let me just check my dairy. GUY #1: You mean diary yeah? *cow walks by with "dentist 11.30" on it*