@gobmentcheese: Lord of the Rings is about a bunch of straight men fighting over jewelry.
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@brothasoul: Mitt Romney: "I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman, and a woman, and a woman..."
@Cheeseboy22: I like to sneak a donut into the salad bar so everyone will ask, "WAIT, THERE'S DONUTS?" and I say, "Sorry, last one!" and then eat it.
@Thedudish: My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling "He doesn't even buy bread."
@Aman93deep: My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.