@imOverlyManly: Loses house keys. Builds new house.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.
@jonnysun: ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it WIFE: well santas not real, hun ME: [drops cookie] WHAT
@joefrog1: If anyone is interested I'll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
@jonnysun: *at the movie theater* umm ok the hackers also said theyd do a terror unless u giv me unlimited free popcorn and uh.. also that guys popcorn