@imOverlyManly: Loses house keys. Builds new house.
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@david8hughes: [egg store] Me: what kinda eggs are these? Clerk: chicken eggs Me: u got dog eggs? Clerk [holdin up a sign saying meet me out back in 5]: no
@WilliamAder: My wife is visiting her mother this weekend, so the cat and I are smoking cigars and playing poker.
@: DEVIL: You shall stay forever young, but this picture of you will bear the marks of your sin! DORIAN: Can I hide it? DEVIL: Well, yes, but— DORIAN: And there are no other consequences? DEVIL: This… This picture will become so foul! DORIAN: Again, probably I’ll hide the picture.