@inmynewskin: Losing weight to be attractive is weird. I see you shrunk your body slightly. Now I want you.
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@Underchilde: The scariest thing about the Cold War was the threat of getting stuck inside a bunker with your spouse.
@LoneWolfStories: Autocorrect changed smell to spell but you know what? Your spelling is horrible too.
@rickkondell: The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
@Amusitr0n: *Cowboy stares at the horizon* "A storm's comin" [In the distance, Darude 'Sandstorm' can be heard faintly] *Cowboy cracks a glowstick*