@JasonLastname: LOST DOG: 4 year old border collie. Still living at home but doesn't know what to do with his life.
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@MikeCanRant: There are shockingly few security guards at dog shows. You can run out and pet 4 or 5 dogs before they catch you. Last time I pet 8 of them.
@panmidwest: SISTER: i'm engaged! ME: awwwwwwwwewwww SISTER: did you sneak an 'ew' in there ME: …no
@Reverend_Scott: You excited to watch the Super Bowl? "Ya, but only cuz the commercials." [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]