@JasonLastname: LOST DOG: 4 year old border collie. Still living at home but doesn't know what to do with his life.
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@GreeneyedManiac: I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I'd still be in bed instead of talking to people.
@sixfootcandy: [date] Him: So where are you from? Me: According to my parents, I was born in a barn.
@SortaBadass: When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" and they'll laugh and laugh
@Reverend_Scott: Don't forget to sacrifice your own personal goals to live up to someone else's expectations today!