@IndigoCheese: Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It's what he would have wanted.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I'll stop asking you to take our family to Disneyland Me: You finally understand we can't afford it 5: You should just send me
@Carbosly: You say "save the date", I hear "more time to come up with an excuse of why I'm not going."
@KeetPotato: never trust a person who says they don't like chocolate, even dogs eat chocolate and it kills them