@KellieMounce: "Lost Unicorn...if found please stop doing drugs."
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@InternetHippo: ME: Why can’t everyone just be nice EVERYONE: Why can’t you ME: Don’t change the subject
@_NTFG_: A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
@StellaRtwot: Why do other moms at the playground get all snotty if you ask their husband to push you when you're on a swing?
@PetrickSara: Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch? Husband: 4: 7: Me: Well... 7: It really could have been any of us. 4: (licks couch)